“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”
-Oprah Winfrey
I’ve been accused of being a bit of a negative nelly. It’s ok. I fully understand it. With Virgo rising, I have a bad habit of being extremely critical. I have a natural ability to look at a problem, analyze it, pick it apart, find the flaws and then work on rebuilding it better than it was before. It also means, that I strive for perfection. This combination is great for being productive at work or in the creative field as I can make my ideas come to life through research, planning, focus and putting in the hard work to achieve my goals. But there’s a downside.
With Virgo ruling my first house, this critical attitude can often be turned on others or worse myself. I can pick people apart and focus on every little detail, nuance and crack of less than perfection in their lives. And then I can tell them how to fix it. But this often goes unappreciated. After all, who wants to hear a negative nelly tell them everything that’s wrong with them and then proceed to tell them how they can make it right. It’s bad for relationships.
And it’s worse for myself. Repeatedly in my life, I have used journal writing to analyze and pick apart every little aspect of my self that is wrong. This often leads to repetitive and unreadable entries where I vow to change. I’ll put myself on a schedule. I’ll set an intention for manifestation. I’ll focus on controlling my impulses. Well, it never works out. And worse yet, it undermines my self-esteem. Which brings me to my point to the topic at hand: gratitude.
Gratitude is more than just a once-a-year concept you pull out for Thanksgiving. It’s about acknowledging the blessings in your life and focusing on the good. As humans, we have the tendency to focus on the negative. We tell ourselves things like: I don’t have enough, I hate my job, I wish I could be better at managing my time, etc. But this is counterproductive. You see, we create our own realities by not only the habits we follow, but the thoughts we choose to see the world through. It’s all about perspective.
If you’re familiar with the Law of Attraction, you probably already get the concept. You get what you think about or focus on. I’ve often found this out the hard way. When working at my last job, I was truly miserable. I was isolated in a corner, used for manual labor, and basically got no recognition for my contributions as a fully whole and functioning human being. It was soul draining, and every night when I got home, I would get on the computer and search Indeed for a better opportunity. It didn’t work. Instead of pulling in jobs that were right for me, I pulled in jobs that were totally and completely wrong. (Ask me about the interview with the company whose process included an hour-long group interview with a presentation on how they were not looking for someone with creative vision, but someone willing to take orders. Yikes!)
Now I knew about the Law of Attraction, but like a lot of us the reality of daily living (having to pay bills, keep a steady job and prove that I’m responsible) had me stuck. I was limited by the fear of scarcity. That although I knew the reality that my position was a dead-end, that that was all I could get. After all, I wasn’t a spring chicken anymore and no one would hire a former journalist who hadn’t worked in the business in over ten years. That was my thought pattern, and like a self-fulfilling prophecy, it proved itself right. So, what was missing? Gratitude.
I forgot to be thankful for all that I had. And all that I had to give. I had a steady job, enjoyed working independently, good, and a roof over my head. I had learned to adult blessed with the ability to buy food and clothes, a family that loved me and a running car that could get me out of town. And I had resources: accumulated knowledge, wisdom and a variety of things which amounted to all that I really needed. I just needed to change to acknowledge them.
Now I’d like to say that I shifted my focus and that everything got better overnight. But it didn’t. Life had to kick me in the butt to get me going. My job got to a point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I planned a move to another state but hadn’t addressed any of my self-esteem issues. And I was slowly eating into what savings I had accumulated from working. And then I got sick, and everything changed.
Six months in bed is a long time to think. And through evaluating my circumstances I learned gratitude. I was grateful for my family. They were there for me at the worst. I was grateful to be not working. It gave me the time I needed to heal. I was grateful to be alive. It certainly beats the alternative. Then slowly, but surely, things began to change.
I still found myself on Indeed looking for the perfect opportunity but this time some more appropriate and interesting things began to come my way. I still applied for positions which were just my last job with a different cast of characters. But I turned them down. Next thing you know the universe was pointing me in an unexpected direction. I would get deeper into studying astrology.
Now I don’t know exactly where this path will lead me, but I do know one thing. I’m a whole heck of a lot happier than I was a year ago and I’m grateful for that change. I’ve also met a new group of people that are so compassionate, open and wise that they leave me in awe. And for this I am also grateful. So, moving forward, I will try and remind myself not to write about what I don’t have and celebrate what I do.
And now it’s your turn. What are you grateful for?
